So much for keeping the promise. Its all my fault. I'm letting down everybody around me, including myself. I feel like I'm trapped in a vicious cycle, I tried hard to break free yesterday by focusing on a better start by doing my work again, but ended up being too overwhelmed. My body couldn't take it either.

Its mostly art that's giving me stress, gotta stop being a bloody perfectionist and so irritated when I'm not achieving the desired outcome. Stop procrastinating cause of that! I know I'm not the only one either, and we all know what's the cause of this stress we get, actually. Can't help that, can we? Hang on too, Syairah!


I don't know what to do. I was so determined to start afresh. I was so determined to work my ass off to catch up with my work before starting on the new year's work. For once, my mind wasn't drifting away THAT much, BUT my body couldn't take it.

I've lost weight recently, lost my appetite, concentration span went down, memory's much worse than normal, and these are the things I've noticed even before I read up about stress. I never knew I was stressed since I was still able to get really high as usual.

Then I realized I've been really emotional and irritable too. Why do I not feel stressed at all when all the signs are showing? :O



Feel as though I've hit rock bottom now, because of the promise I made about not running away yesterday. That phrase was really impactful and I was seriously determined to not run away, to pull an all-nighter to finish up the stuff, bear with it for just a few days. I made a promise to not run away, but I broke it.

Was too tired in the morning, far too tired. Body's exhausted. The worst thing is, I didn't realise my friends might need to use the stuff I borrowed from them, and now they don't have it. I feel so irresponsible, never saw my absence coming, but still. Its been all my fault for the time-wasting.

Its as though the past is haunting me as much as I don't want it to.



I, Thanks for being firm about telling me to face the consequences of my actions. I might have failed this time, and the next two times, but after I make up for my mistakes slowly, I won't run away ever again. I thought about forcing myself to school, but I figured I'd be even more stressed. That isn't supposed to be a valid excuse since the whole point is to be able to face my fears and the consequences. I swear I was really determined to not break the promise yesterday, but my unconscious self in the morning destroyed everything.

My brother once told me, "of course you're unable to help others much when you're not even in control of your own life". I'll always be willing to provide a listening ear if that's the case. Though it'd be even nicer if I can quickly get control of my life too.


ky, I suppose you realised you're always the person I'd call whenever I feel stressed or sad or depressed, or on the verge of breaking down. Thanks for all those help the past few years, we may not know so much about each other now compared to the past, but I guess its enough for me to know someone will always be there. Thanks for planning my time during the O's period too. You're really one of my best friends I can ever ask for, might not be the other way round but I'm thankful to have met you.

Also, even though my parents are strangely not the ones who can change me and my mindset, I know they're genuinely concerned. & my brother's concern never fails to keep me happy either.